Loneliness - hidden signs and what to do about them
The theme of this year’s mental health awareness week is loneliness. Post pandemic more and more of us are feeling lonely.
Loneliness isn’t the same as being alone - it’s a feeling of disconnection.
As human beings we are wired for human connection - for our survival and wellbeing. Close nourishing relationships are one of the best factors that reduce stress. If you’re experiencing loneliness, it could be because you’ve lost contact with people or you’re going through an experience that may make us feel isolated, such as bereavement or mental health illness.
Loneliness can affect us in more ways than we think
Dr Chatterjee says, “Lack of connections is a major factor in many modern health conditions. Loneliness can manifest as irritability, anger, depression and disturbed sleep. It can also be behind ailments from anxiety to addiction and even obesity. And, of course, due to the current pandemic, its effects are amplified.”
Psychologist Dr Julie describes some behaviours that are often driven by loneliness:
Scrolling through your phone even when surrounded by people
Constantly feel tired and don’t sleep well
You are overly attached to material things and buy new things you don’t need
You make the effort to socialise but feel like you don’t belong or no-one really gets you
You block our horrible feelings by binge-watching TV, scrolling or gaming
If this sounds familiar then there are many ways that can help.
Do you need contact with more people?
Start slowly. What’s the smallest step you could take that could create more connection? Hobbies, online or in-person groups or getting back in touch with old friends could be a way to connect more. Maybe you could start with a smile or a pleasantry with a shop assistant or someone at work to build your confidence.
Are you around lots of people but feel lonely?
Lack of connection can come when we aren’t being our authentic selves. Sometimes we put on a front or act a certain way to be more accepted or to avoid feeling vulnerable. It can be helpful to reflect on how we learnt that strategy either by journaling or through talking therapy.
How could you be yourself more? Again, it can be helpful to start slowly. Choose someone you trust to be more honest and open.
Awareness is key. Once you’ve understood that the things you’re doing are distractions from uncomfortable feelings you can be more empowered to make changes. Mindfulness and learning to sit and feel uncomfortable feelings can be life-changing.
Listen to some mindfulness session recordings here or arrange to chat to Coaches and Cognitive Hypnotherapists Sian or Victoria to develop your mindfulness skills.
Resources
Counsellor Natalie Rossiter mini-guide to loneliness & connection