How to handle grief
Whether you have been more upset by the death of the Queen or the cancellation of the football, the recent news of her passing has impacted many in some way or other. Often in unexpected ways too. The Queen has always been quite distant and removed from most of our day to day lives however, yet her recent death has stirred emotions in many that have taken them quite by surprise. It is likely that her death and the coverage of it taps into other historic grief that we carry with us. The loss of a friend, family member or even a grandparent.
Mourning is complex, people and relationships are complex. Many people and our relationship with them are imperfect which can cloud the way that we grieve, it can be unsettling, harvesting feelings of guilt and even shame. It is important to acknowledge that this is normal and it is okay to feel confused.
Give yourself time:
Mourning is important in bereavement, because it provides us with time devoted to the grieving process. It helps us externalise emotions, thoughts of loss, through this we incorporate the loss into our lives and begin the healing journey.
Listen to what you need:
It is also important to listen to what you need. How do you need to process the loss? Is it time to yourself, a walk or even a mourning ritual to help come to terms with the loss? Different cultures and even subcultures grieve in different ways, they often have different rituals such as wearing black or wearing a black arm band. Don’t feel pressured to hold the same rituals as those around you, consider what feels right and authentic to you and your relationship.
Realise that grief doesn’t have a time frame:
Often people use phrases like “I should be over this by now” or “I don’t know why I’m not dealing with this better.” Grief isn’t linear. People process things at different times and it often comes in waves. Try and think during these periods what you can do to help and to honor their memory or even how you are feeling. This could be simply:
Putting a picture up of them
Listening to some music that reminds you of them
Going for a walk or to a place that you shared memories together
Allowing emotions to come up and be released
Ask for help or support:
This could be reaching out to a friend or getting support from a qualified therapist to help you work through the different and complex emotions attached to grief.
Grief can feel exhausting and stifling, therapy can help guide you back to a place where you feel that you can breathe again. You can book a call in with Victoria and Sian to speak confidentially, have a look at times here. It can help provide you with a place where you can explore those feelings, without judgment or worry about how you are affecting those around you, freeing you of these feelings.